end of the day. 

all i want is someone to ask me how my day was at the end of it. 

i hate always looking at my phone and seeing the screensaver and never any messages because no one is thinking of me right now. it’s not even about a boyfriend or that extra person, just a friend. i don’t have a friend that makes an effort to reach out to me everyday and i feel like i don’t even have one that i can reach out to. i just want someone who checks in, makes sure i’m sane. i just want someone who asks me how my day went. 

they say, “come to me when you need it” but that’s the issue. i don’t want to be the one always crying for help. i just want you to make a little effort and check in. talk to me as if i’m your friend and not just a sad charity case. 

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me.

i’ve come to a realization within these past few weeks.

at first, it seemed like my friends didn’t trust me enough to tell me about what they were going through. it bothered me, because what else am i here for? i like to know things, i like to be informed – sure, i can probably be described as nosy but i have the best of intentions, i swear.

but then one of them told me i judge a little too much. then i realized, do people not tell me things because i can be judgy?

i felt awful.

how would you feel if you were told your friends didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you things because they felt you would judge them instead of helping them through it?

it literally made me feel like shit.

i try to be such a good friend because i only want the best for everyone and apparently it’s not even good enough. and then when i try to be included and help, they tell me “i don’t understand” and you know what? it’s getting really fucking annoying.

maybe i don’t have all the experiences i should or that they do, but i’m just giving my honest opinion and trying to help. and if they can’t understand that then maybe i just have to leave myself out and do them a favor.

i obviously have to work on myself if i’m described as judgmental so it’s probably in everyone’s benefit.

first blog post – first year??

this is my very first blog post, and so, i’m going to give you a quick overview of me and my life.

everything seems to be slowly falling into place, but it wasn’t always like that. it’s taken a while.

just a year and a half ago, i was struggling and scared because i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. when finishing high school, i didn’t even apply to universities because i knew i didn’t know what i wanted to go into and i didn’t want to waste money without doing so.

so i took a fifth year and that was literally the worst decision of my life.

taking a break before university was smart. it gave me the chance to think and get my shit together and figure out what i liked and what i didn’t. however, going back to high school for one semester while talking two classes was literally pointless (i have also never skipped as much as i did in those five months).

so i decided i wanted to go into psychology (deep down, i knew i was probably only going into it because my sister did the same and was successfully on her third year at mcmaster), but i went with it anyway. turns out after my first year of university, i realized how much i didn’t like psychology and how difficult it actually was.

it was a kick in the fact because nothing felt like it was going right.

it was also first year and it was fucking hard.

i think i took it a little for granted and it was partly my fault because i could’ve done better. but it was truly such a change and high school does not prepare you at all. it’s like you’re thrown in the deep end and you have to fend for yourself.

in the end everything worked out, as it always does, but in the moment, it was incredibly overwhelming.

so there’s a glimpse into one of the more complex moments of my life but of course, not all. i’m thinking the next one might be about my craziest work stories because god, they just get weird and weirder.